We’d worked out early on that ‘Penguin’ was not an egg-layer and Carlie and I had spent time researching how best to dispatch a chicken. We’d settled on decapitation as the most humane and simple method.

‘Penguin’ had recently started crowing loudly at dawn – today had to be the day. He’d been suspicious and tricky to catch, but as Carlie finally pinned him down on the tree stump, I swung the hatchet down on his neck. With two more strikes, his head was off. He ran around just like the saying suggests.

It was brutal and I’m seriously considering vegetarianism.